the pain of pain

One of the most hurtful things about life is it doesn't stop. 

You could lose everything, everyone you know dies, your health completely deteriorates, and still the world will spin. Your bills and responsibilities will still be there waiting for you. No matter what it's happening to you in life. Life just keeps going. 

Even down to the idea of human existence ending. Life will not stop. There will still be animals, insects, microorganisms. Life will still continue to exist. Human society as we know it may end. But even that thought…as we know it…

I've always wanted things to pause even for a moment. If someone close to you dies or something traumatic happens to you. The world should pause for just a moment. But then what if the world simply stopped. Because every moment is a traumatic moment somewhere for someone. 

Death is not something to be afraid of, we should be excited and proud of it. Enlightened at the idea that after this, something else awaits us. I guess what I'm saying is. Life is about suffering and we all have to pick our suffering. Pick what we hurt over, what we think about, what we focus on. Pain comes and it goes. Don't sit with it too long. 

protect your sense of self

It's wild to me how some humans can behave. You can go into a bad situation wanting to find solutions and make things better. An people will sabotage you or dislike you because you wave change. People will assume you're trying to take something from them. People will be people. 

I strived to get here, diligently worked towards my goals. Helping people along the way. Encouraging others to seek improvement and growth. An here I am in a situation surrounded by scared, selfish, ignorant individuals. It's teaching me that kindness should not be given to everyone. The situation is asking me to change my moral code. To become someone I'm not. 

There is so much money in the world. So much we can all have, an not at the expense of another. But small minded individuals will assume your growth and success means their lose and demise. So I wonder how do I navigate these people? How do I coexist? An my mind says you don't, you simply get away from them. 

God will never put you in a situation that you can not handle. All things in your life has purpose and meaning. God could've given me a position anywhere, instead he put me where I am now. At this exact moment. An I can not see why, or understand why. I'm simply going to be me and follow my spirit. In the meantime while doing just enough. I'm going to begin my plan to exit. I would rather deal with the devil I know instead of the one I don't. These people have killed my desire to help. And slowly I feel them turning me into a bitter person. 

So the point of this was for me to vent my thoughts and feelings. It's also to encourage you to remain yourself. When you see others are turning you into someone you're not. It's better to leave and preserve your best parts. Don't lose your smile because others are frowning.