trauma response?

As someone who has survived so much traumatic situations all my life. My nervous system is always anxious, always on alert, looking and waiting for the next bad thing to happen. This is so draining. Not just mentally or emotionally. But physically and spiritually draining. Everything becomes a “I knew it was to good.” Another “finally there is the problem, the bad thing.” The mask of positivity becomes heavy. Like wearing a backpack full of bricks. 

I think the worst part of this is I'm living my manifestations. The very things I prayed for and begged for I have. I'm driving my Tesla, I live in a house, I have a couple dollars in the bank. But still my stomach feels tight, my jaw constantly clenched. My nerves on alert for the next thing. I have such a hard time not doing this. Not feeling this way. Not letting the past and pain consume my thoughts or lead my actions and words. 

You can know you're safe. Know you'll be safe no matter what happens. You could even feel safe at times. An still your body and mind will hold onto the past. Will try to tell you to remain in fear. Never do, you have to remind yourself you're not your thoughts. You're not your pain. You're not your past. You have to remind yourself everything happening is supposed to happen exactly as it's happening. Know that what's for you can not and will not pass you by. The power that made the decision to let you be born into this world with the parents and life you had as a child. That very thing is guiding you exactly where you need to be and with who you need to be with or interact with. 

There is no wrong decision. There is only choices, no matter what choice you make. It'll take you exactly where you need to be. Have faith in that, remind yourself of that. You don't need a sign, just know that the signs have already come and continue too. Just be aware.