A few good men || Reel to Real

A.I. do's & don'ts || JB Show

lock in?

What is the cost of focus? The cost of locking in on an idea or task until completion?

I think about this a lot. There are so many things I want to do with my life, with my time, my energy, my resources. Like I want to live a certain way and have certain things. An I understand the give and take of the universe. The push and pull of everything. An it's like so do it!!! But this is where the fear comes in. The crippling fear of failure, of embarrassment of not being enough. 

Another thing I think about when it comes to locking in…what does that look like? Like what is the daily movements or thoughts of someone locked in? An I started to think or am currently thinking. It means laser focus, it means a dedication that is unshaken. It means wake up, wash up, and work on your stuff. That means if it ain't about your stuff then it ain't nothing. No tv, no going out, no hanging out, no bullshit time wasting. Every moment is spent working on your health. Which would be spiritual and physical. Because your mental and emotional are targeted toward your dream, your goal. And even when you're not doing that you're resting which is how your mental and emotional health stay healthy. From simple rest, not drinking, not smoking, not going out, not having fun, not watching tv, your relaxation and wind down is sleep. Every waking moment is spent working towards your goal, exercising, meditating, learning…an the learning should be things to help you with your goal. I think when I think of locking in. That's what I need to do. That's how I lock in, that's how I would make 2026 the year that absolutely changes my life in a way that I always wanted to elevate my life.

I'm in a safe space right now in my life. I quit my job at the post office, I got a lil part time job that pays just enough to survive, I still got a little money in my savings account to supplement the difference. I'm driving my dream car, mentally and emotionally I feel completely at peace with my romantic life. Which is non-existent but that's ok because I know that means something major is on the way. It's kinda like the same thing with my career path. I'm not fully in my tech career but I know what to do to get there and I know it's coming. The degree, the certification, the friend in the field. It's all pointing me towards the fact that it'll happen. I just gotta do it, I gotta lock in. 

So for me that means no more YouTube, no watching YouTube, I don't go out, that's not my style. I only go out when I have a partner if that's her thing. I don't hangout with my friend(s), so that's not a distraction. Taking my kids places and doing things with them is not a distraction, plus that's something we do on weekends. I stopped the casual sex and I haven't had a drink in a few days now. So that distraction is gone. I've gotta really lock in. That means focusing on; 

-home labs 

-making YouTube videos

-exercising

-tufting

-school

-my career

The craziest part is I literally have the time. I only work 3 days a week. God has taken away most of the things that would lead me astray. The other things that distract me is more about my self control and discipline, my mastery of my mind. 

Crazy enough, your body, mind, and life can change in a matter of weeks. I'm talking about 30-90 days and BOOM!!! You're in a completely new reality. Your subconscious is completely altered by your daily actions and conscious thoughts. 

I haven't listened to music since I stopped talking to my ex, an that's ok as well, because I need to flood my subconscious with these affirmations as well. I need to become delusional about my

Future. I mean everything I want I am. An on top of my affirmations, controlling as much of my conscious mind as possible is another thing I need to really focus on, paying attention to how my reality is simply my subconscious speaking to me. So I need to pay attention and figure out what is it trying to tell me or teach me. I also need to confront some of my core beliefs, the subconscious ones that I can't see, I know they're there, they peak out occasionally. 

I'm going to try to document everything, if I don't make YouTube videos about this stuff, then I'll try to blog as much of it as possible. But I'm going to go for it. Really just do it, really give it my all. Not through will power either, not through sheer determination. But from humility, from God's grace, mercy, and guidance. I'm going to pray my way through this. 

Action

Knowing what to do and doing it are so different. They are in the same category but they are not the same. Both will propel you to the next phase of your life. The next level of your existence. But one requires physical action while the other is purely thoughts. 

Thoughts are powerful, definitely important. But they are not the end part, they are not the most important part. Thoughts are the part that pushes you to action. It guides your action, gives it direction. The action itself is engine. Thoughts the pedal. 

Life is literally what we make it. Life is always pushing us forward, giving us new challenges. Asking us are you ready to grow? Are you growing in the direction of your destiny or slowing walking the unbeaten path. 

Action…you gotta take action. Even when it hurts, even when you're tired, even when you're sad. Cry out to God, and take action. Shout at God begging for mercy and take action. Count your blessings and look for positivity and take action. But no matter what you do, no matter what you don't do. Take action, physical action. And wash time you're tired and don't want to take action. Remember that your actions are taking you somewhere. Taking you where you want to be. 

2026 journey begins

2026 has been a year…ever since I moved to Fort Pierce there has been so much change in my life. Well that was the point of moving here. Leaving Broward county to start new. The was nothing there for me I felt. Vanessa was dead, I didn't talk to my childhood friends anymore, and I was growing distant with my family. Tina had a place up this way and she suggested I start new in a new city, a new county. I did it, and I gotta say my life has really improved. I got a new car, new job, new place. While here I got a degree, certifications, bought a house, got my dream car, learned I want to settle down and start a family. 

2026 I really start that journey of self discovery. I broke the loop of a toxic relationship. Left the post office to start my tech career and really doubled down on fixing up my house to make it everything I want in a home. This journey has been so so so so very scary. When I say scary I mean it. It's been hurtful and enlightening. 

I've come to realize I've been so afraid of being alone. So negligent of myself. My physical health, my mental health and my emotional. For years I distracted myself from the internal work I've needed with casual sex and drugs. Moving to fort Pierce I finally stopped smoking weed. Not forever but it's been about two years now. Recently I stopped drinking and don't really want to either. That's something I won't stop forever but know I don't need or want it right now in my life. I've been celibate for some time trying to figure out why I allow women who don't deserve me to have me. 

When I say have me I mean my time body and presence. It's been lonely, hurtful and scary to really sit with myself. To sit in silence and listen to my inner voice. Listen to my thoughts and fears. To hear what I've been trying so hard to ignore. I sit and think about what life do I want? Who do I really want to be. Not just who I've been for the last couple years but all my life. The martial things I've gained over the years have brought me…joy but not happiness. I learned that love, being loved and giving love brings me happiness. Being able to be myself and love on someone in my fullest capacity really brings me happiness. Gives me a deep sense of meaning. Being a father has always brought me joy. Gives me a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment but loving a woman is a different thing all together. It's so meaningful and delightful that it's a longing I can't get away from. 

When I gave my love to women who clearly didn't value it or see it's worth. I betrayed myself. Betrayed my urge to love. But being alone I thought would feel worse. I was wrong, after experiencing loving someone who repeatedly disrespected me and my kids just because I saw potential. I really hurt myself. I saw who she could be if she wasn't living in hurt. I thought if I could love her enough I could heal her. But that's not love that's not right. You can't love someone into healing. They have to want that. They have to put in the work to heal themselves or they'll hurt me. An I let her hurt me time and time again. No matter how much I told her she's hurting me she kept doing it. The why doesn't matter, the why I stayed doesn't matter, the why I kept going back doesn't matter. 

Our past doesn't define us, we don't have to be who we were 1 minute ago. But if we stay in that place. In that mindset, in that emotional space. We'll be trapped in that loop. I don't regret loving her. I don't regret showing her love, buying her gifts, taking her out, doing things for her, making time for her. I only regret not listening to her. Everytime she showed me she doesn't care about my kids, she doesn't care how she hurt me, she doesn't care about my feelings, she doesn't want to change, she doesn't value me, she doesn't see my worth, she won't fight for us to work. Everytime she showed me this with her actions and words I didn't listen. I ignored it thinking she's just hurt. She doesn't mean it, her hurt is pushing me away but she wants my love, my value, my worth, us, me as a person. An that was a betrayal to myself. An that's what I regret, not listening to her sooner. Not loving myself sooner, not listening to God.

I think the most hurtful part is realizing everything I thought about her is true. Everything I assumed is true. She's living in hurt, moving from a place of hurt, speaking from a place of hurt. An I've been there done that. An that made me want to love her more. Because when I was living in hurt I just wanted someone to love me through it. But I also took the time and energy to try and heal. Would I take her back? I have no idea to be honest. The only thing I really know is I deserve better. My kids deserve better. She doesn't think her daughter whose father is dead deserves a father in her life. An that was the thing that proved she lives in hurt. She doesn't think my kids who mother is dead deserve a mother. An that proves she thinks others should live in hurt. I feel sorry for her, but more than anything I feel sorry for her daughter. Children deserve two parents. 

I'm writing this because I need to get it out. I need to say it out loud to the world. To myself, to God. An I hope that you reading this will learn what I learned. You can't heal someone with love. They have to want to heal and your love can be the crutch to help them walk through their healing journey. But listen when someone shows you who they are. When they tell you with their words and actions. Hurt is a poison, it can and will infect you if you stay to close to it. Let it guide you where you need to be, where you need to go. But don't let it be your crutch, your driver, your being. 

For me I'm not mad at her, not mad at myself, not mad at God. I forgive her, an myself. I truly believe that who God has for you will find you. No one is meant to be alone, no one is alone. Romantic love with find you or you'll find it. Be open to it, love like you never got hurt. Love openly and freely, forgive those who hurt you and move on. Don't punish your new person because of your past. Don't punish your new self because of your old self. Don't let love miss you because you're holding hurt close to you. A day will come when I will meet the person who will love me in a way I thought people only love in my fantasies. An when that day comes, I'll be grateful, I'll be filled with more happiness, I'll reciprocate. An all the past relationships and past hurt will be a lesson I'll be thankful for. Because it'll be the stepping stone that got me to that love. I pray she heals, I pray her daughter can have a father, I pray my son's can have a mom, I pray I can love and be loved by someone for the rest of my and their life. Until we return to the maker, then I hope I find them even sooner in the next life. 

Love, hurt, forgive, live ✌🏿