2:05pm- boom God is good. I made some juice today, signed up boys for school. They start tomorrow or Wednesday the latest. And Jophiel is getting his hair done right now.
2:35pm- still think it's her when my phone goes off 😭😭
3:25pm- I got a lot done today. I’m really proud of myself that I didn’t watch any youtube today. I thought about it and wanted too, but I been telling myself I got so many things I can be doing. I really need to let go of watching youtube and playing video games. It’s time to get back into gear. Get back on the grind of doing things. I decided I’m going to fix up my front yeard. I got like this little flower area place that looks like crap. So I’m going to fix it up. Lay some bricks to section it off, get new mulch, and get rid of the old plants there and plant new plants. And I’m going to build my garden. So it’s like I got so much to do. No more playing around…but it really would’ve been nice to do all this with my wife. To have done all this with Mail…but whatever that’s not God plan. She’s not who I’m supposed to be with or she would be with me. She could call or text me at any time. I pray God continues to heal her and guide her. An if God says she is for me he’ll put that in her to reach out to me. Because I still love her. Tomorrow I’m get jojo physical done for school and by wednesday thursday everyone will be signup and starting their new schools with buses.
4:09pm- I cut Jojo hair and need to cut my own hair next. This the area I'm going to fix up. 
I'm get this whole part together. I got so many things I'm going to do to my house. I love having a house. Can't wait to have a wife to share life with. I don't need one, I just want one. An right now the person I want is still mail. Maybe I'll feel this way until I meet someone new. Until I see someone and feel what I felt when I see mail. I haven't seen her in so long I wonder if I still feel that way. If my spirit still smiles when I see her.
I'm get this whole part together. I got so many things I'm going to do to my house. I love having a house. Can't wait to have a wife to share life with. I don't need one, I just want one. An right now the person I want is still mail. Maybe I'll feel this way until I meet someone new. Until I see someone and feel what I felt when I see mail. I haven't seen her in so long I wonder if I still feel that way. If my spirit still smiles when I see her. 5:06pm- I stopped complaining, like telling other people about the pain inside. The confusion I feel. I used to tell Merlyn and Tanvi. But now I just sit with it. Or I talk to God. I don't think it makes me feel better but it feels good to know I have the strength to sit with myself. Today I've been feeling a bit emotional. Like I want a drink a smoke. I want to escape… but today hasn't even been stressful or anything. I literally just want to escape reality. I have so many things I can do, should do, but I just want to watch YouTube play video games and look for a wife. An I only want the wife to share life with. Talk to, eat out, make decisions, have sex, laugh, and overall someone I can adore. Cuddle up with, kiss on, snuggle, buy jewelry for, play video games with…ugh…today needs to be the last lazy day. I gotta get back into creative mode. Back into the grind. God has isolated me for a reason.
6:05pm- I'm going to have to buy a generator for hurricane season. As well as window shutters or boards to cover my window. But I think I'm start on that in August. It's raining and my power flashes sometimes. I think something is up with my power connection to my house but I'm not sure. I'm probably pay a electrician. Maybe that's why God has isolated me from everyone. I'm supposed to focus on myself and house and kids heavy. But a spouse is really on my mind. In my heart. It's been this way for awhile. But ever since I got with Edith it's like I REALLY want it. That time with her really reminded me of being with Vanessa. I bought her a really nice birthday card. She really likes a nice birthday card and I got her one. I won't send it though unless God sends me a sign. What's the sign in looking for. I have no idea, it's gotta be something plan and clear that says send her the card. I was thinking if she contacts me. If she text, calls, or speaks to me. Or send a message to me through someone else. I'll send the card…I don't know if God wants me to let her go. Because she's still in my heart, I still want her. So it's like God left her in my heart for a reason. At least that's my belief. I don't know…but today was a great day I got a lot done. Tomorrow I'm get more done. And this week I'm seriously start back creating. I gotta push past my feelings and mood. And just create. Maybe for March I'll challenge myself to make a video everyday and drop them every other day. Yeah that's my challenge. So yeah y'all stay blessed and prayed up. Raise your consciousness.
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