💔😡💔🤬💔

2:58am- I just woke up from a sad dream... An that shit hurts, to have given someone my time my body my secrets my hopes and dreams and they throw it away. They spit in my face... But it's not about me. She has problems, she has things she needs to deal with. I never liked closure. But I just got it and fuck I really don't like it. That shit is more hurtful than letting your mind wonder and come up with crap. 

6:52am- I pray God forgives me for going against him. I said everything I needed to say to her. I'm not sure what she said in response. I just spilled my heart explaining that I never wanted to get over her and it hurt me that she wants to get over me. That she's ready to move on like we didn't spend a year building a relationship. She said I'm moving to fast. Like a year together and no talks of living together buying a house getting married but unprotected sex like it's nothing... Ugh I'm hurt but whatever. I'm shake it off. God is good, I'm done reaching out to her. She can move on and I'll do the same. I prayed today asking God to forgive me for going against his plan. He removed her from my life and I went back. I have to stay focused. 

1. Buy a house

2. Get bachelor's degree

3. Buy a used Tesla

4. Make $100,000 a year solo

5. Build brand (YouTube, books, movies, tufting) 

6. build self (learn languages, healthy living & body)

6:49pm- take the baby boy out to golden corral since he got honor roll. He likes that place. I been angry lately.... Mail is so dumb. She legit think she been perfect. She's not going to change. Fuck that shit hurts.

8:05pm- that food was trash and I feel so angry. Sad and angry... Mail is so fucking stupid man. Ugh .. I have to let her go. She's not going to change but expects me to... Fucking whore probably out getting fucked. God I'm angry. Stupid for asking her back into my life. I feel dumb for spilling my guts. Fucking whore don't care. As long as she can drink and get fucked. I hope she get nothing but shitty men. Fuck her!!! 

8:37pm- I'm sorry for my out burst... I love her... And it's hurtful how she makes me feel insecure. How her lack of reaction to my loving actions makes me feel insecure. Her actions that present her as someone seeking attention. Makes me feel insecure... Ugh, I'm going to shower and go to bed. I don't feel good. I'm so stupid... I deserve love, I deserve someone who is going to openly love me. I'm not going to text or call her. I know I can so I'll leave her alone and just focus on my stuff... I wanna stop watching tv and stay off Twitter. I gotta regulate my emotions better.