I'm still hurt

8:30pm- I still wish she wanted what I wanted. 

would've been nice if she joined me on this journey. But I'm slowly healing and getting over her. After I said my last piece and confessed how I feel. I feel better, cause it's like this bitch really is corny. Bars, clubs, that ghetto shit is trash to me. That's some poor people shit. People with demons and evil spirits in them. Legit I'm 36 and I'll never fuck with a girl who says she goes to the club for fun. 👎🏿👎🏿👎🏿 Major turn off. 

5:25am- I had some nice dreams. I dreamt about being in love. She watched my YouTube videos was like I don't understand you but I like you. I like your ideas and thoughts. I tossed and turned a lot but overall I got decent sleep. God is good to me.

6:14am- we'll have to get up earlier and leave the house early starting next year. But it's fine, no matter what I'm make this happen. I should've done the application for Vero Beach supervisor position. I'm try to do it tonight. I honestly accept that God wants me do this life thing alone, but it legit hurts sometimes. But like I told mail in the last message. I'm take this time alone to build myself to build my life. To become the man I think I should be. I wanna be a husband a dad a provider and lover. I wanna be a man a WOMAN gushes over and talks about. Someone my kids can be proud of. But it's fine, I'm focus. Remember the goals. 

1. Buy a house

2. Get bachelor's degree

3. Buy a used Tesla

4. Make $100,000 a year solo

5. Build brand (YouTube, books, movies, tufting) 

6. build self (learn languages, healthy living & body)

8:44am- I gotta really lock in man. I'm so different from these people. From the people I interact with. I gotta find people like myself. People who are smart, compassionate, open minded, and desire a closeness to God. Man I'm going to be alright. I'm build this life I want to live. It genuinely hurts to have to let her go. But I've not contacted her since last message. An I'm legit not going to. I don't feel a urge to talk to her anymore. I said my piece I spoke my truth and I'll leave the rest to God. If she's for me she'll come back and we'll make it work. If she comes back I'm going to marry her. 

11:50am- man God is so good. I totally am so grateful to the Lord. Next year is my year for real. I'm going to buy a used Tesla. Like I'm not playing fuck that. When I get this $20,000 saved up. I'm buy a Tesla. 

6:37pm- my heart hurts but God is good. I'm buy a Tesla next year when I get $20k. I'm buy a used one. I hope they still got the tax credits. 

7:49pm- that girl really hurt me.