🙌🏿🫠🙃🙂‍↕️😮‍💨🥺😤

5:37am- everybody is somebody ex, everybody has a past. It isn't about what you used to do. It's about what you do and plan to do... I pray God sends me a wife. It's the love and affection I desire. I can literally have sex every night. Got 3 chicks in my phone right now begging for the dick. But I don't want that, I want a relationship. I want affection and attention. I want a deep human connection. I'm staying on this path. Hoping and keeping faith that God is preparing me for the love I deserve and it will come soon enough. I don't feel lonely, I feel unloved in a specific way... Let's go to work and get this day over with. 

6:34am- I pray God helps me do the things he wants me to do. Day the things he wants me to say. I pray I can be the man God wants me to be. If mail was meant to be with me. She would be with me. If God wanted me in her heart she would fight for me to be in her life. She is apart of my old life. The life of clubs, bars, weed, and alcohol. Meaningless sex and shallow human connections. I'm so sick of that life. Sick of living for my flesh. 

11:06pm- the best of us is he who worships and strives for the cause of God. I really would've liked to grow with her. But it's not the will of Allah. I feel better though, I feel ok. God has been watching over me. Healing my broken my heart and showing me signs I'm on the right path. Me life literally keeps improving. 

11:20am- I know I said I wouldn't talk about mail anymore, but my blog is for my feelings. For me to express my feelings about my life. Y'all came here to learn and hear about me. 

1:19pm- all of this money, and these women... But my heart longs for love, affection, and to be as m desired. My heart my essence my spirit desires love. Love from another human in the romantic sense. But I post forward existing in love. 

2:31pm- rebs is tired of me talking about her. Tired of hearing me say how I wish it could've worked out. She's like that's why you can't get over her. You keep talking about her. Stop talking about her and you'll stop thinking about her... So moving forward I won't even mention her on here or to anyone else. But I'm pretty sure the sadness is on my face and in my voice. But whatever. 

4:55pm- that's the point of my blog. To get my feelings and emotions out. To express myself to the world and free myself from the emotions sitting inside me. But I guess I gotta sit with it... I just wish she wanted better. Wish she was ready to grow and have better. But she's stuck in her pattern. Just like my mom. Literally dying because of alcohol and still chooses to drink alcohol. 

8:41pm- fuck I hate my emotions fluctuating... I need to cut my hair and shave. I'll probably feel better than. Cause fuck I don't feel good. Which is so dumb, my life is going so fucking good. I mean really good beyond my belief. But still yet I'm sad. I should get Internet at home by Saturday. I'm go over my budget and read my book before bed. I got to shake this feeling off for real.