😶🫠🥺🙃🥰🙌🏿🙌🏿

8:50pm- Maria would never hurt me or set me up to get hurt. At least I don't think so. But my heart was racing earlier, scared I'd go to her house and see E. Which is stupid because she and E not even friends like that. But it goes to show how easily triggered I am. I been good lady barely crossed my mind like that. But the thought of going out. Going to Maria House. My heart drops a bit. I had to do some breathing exercises. I hope she doesn't mention her or ask me about it. Because in my heart of heart. I know that girl don't think or care about me. The alcohol and new dick got her numb and distracted from feeling anything. It's a sad way of existing. Still yet I think about her and the possible life we could've lived together. Going through this healing process. 

11:00pm- that was really nice seeing my friends. I really enjoyed that. I'm definitely going to get out and see my friends more often. It was good for my spirit. I enjoy the time with people I love and care about. My support system is right here. I'm learn Spanish too. That's always been a life goal of mine.

6:30am- definitely was worth it going out to see my friend. Oh and let me tell you about this water treatment system. Fuck it's worth every penny, the water feels so much better. So much softer and healthier for you. Makes your skin feel so good showering in it as well. Yeah yo, I'm so ready for change. I'm going to continue healing my heart healing my inner child. I miss E but sometimes I start to think I just miss having someone. I miss being in love, which the book says is love addiction. I been listening to the book anxiously attached by Jessica Baum.

7:20am- the water system people coming to make sure it's working correctly. But I know it's working correctly, because yo. So that's the system,and I gotta say. Fucking hell the water feels so good. I mean my skin is like butter after a shower. It feels so fucking good. It's amazing how water can feel different and make you feel different.

9:31am- damn I'm about to be late. This lady was talking, talking, talking. I gotta get my time in order. God is so good to me. Things have been working out so well. I'm really focus get this life thing on and be popping. I really wanna get back into my writing. I wanna get a higher paying job with my degree. I wanna get my Tesla. I wanna do a lot but it's about doing it. Getting it done and not so much just talking about it. 

12:35pm- I've been doing a lot of manifesting work but one of the things I'm start doing as well is looking myself in the eyes and saying I love you. They call it mirror work. I'm start doing that, an meeting up with my friends once a week. Maybe every Saturday I'll see my friends, every Sunday I do something with my kids. So here's another book I've been listening to help me with this growth and change. 

1:04pm- oddly enough, she's been on my mind all morning. That's kinda annoying, very annoying indeed.

3:30pm- healing truly is a process. I been in my feelings a bit but I been talking to little me. Like I know you feel alone and scared to be alone and are sad about the possible life we could've had with E. But remember we HAD to leave her. She doesn't want to heal with us or heal herself. An we want to grow and live a better life. We had to leave her and can't go back. So I grieve the lost of possibility.

7:10pm- that was nice, helped my friend and going home. She's such a nice woman. But I'm sitting with myself for a minute. Tomorrow is going to be such a long day. 

7:45pm- I need to work on my stuff this week. This weekend has been good.. Oddly enough I feel alone. I feel that longing for connection creeping up into my heart. Whispering in my spirit. I do miss her and I think about the life we could've had together. But she don't want that. 😩 Ugh. It still hurts me. 

8:18pm- I'm home, I'm shower and do some stuff for my house and go to bed around ten. I'm actually pretty tired. I been going to bed late the last couple days.