🥰💔🏚️😭💔

5:47am- holy smokes that bed is amazing. Absolutely love it, an I love my house. The feeling of just being there. I feel secure in it as well. Fuck I'm so grateful to God, so happy I took that leap of faith. I know Allah will send me a wife. For now I need to focus on myself and my kids. A woman will see what I'm doing and say to herself. Oh I want to be apart of that. I want that man as my own. And God willing I'll feel the same and we can live our lives together until death reaches us. I gotta go to Walmart after work today for sure. Shower rode and we need groceries. But I think today will be a good day. I am letting Allah control my life fully. I had to get gas this morning which is why I'm going to be late to work. 

3:49pm- I'm tired and ready to go home. But I want the money and going home ain't nothing. I mean I got things to do but it's like. Let's get this money... I'm sad... 

6:07pm- another successful day of work. I thank Allah for my job, for my financial situation. I'm sad, but I'm grateful. I'm run to Walmart than go to my apartment break down the bedframes and then go home. Maria invited me to hang out. But I'm still not feeling social. I still feel this strange odd sadness. This lingering longing feeling. I just wanna stick my head in the sand. But I keep praying and keep pushing forward. I pray God free me from this hurt. I wanna swim in my happy moment. I hate that I have such good things happening and I feel so shitty. I seriously hate this for me. 

9:53pm-what a fucking day. I gotta call a plumber to the house. Or I can try to fix it myself. But honestly I'm just call the plumber and pay the money. In the meantime, I'm back in my apartment 🤢😭🤢. God is in control of my life. But man is not feeling very good. I'm sad, feeling angry, and frustrated.