10:01am- front yard camera set up and on the road to get things done. I gotta hit homeDepot. U got things to do.
10:18am- some people legit never take the time to reflect and better themselves. They don't stop to see where they went wrong. What could they have said differently. Done differently. This whole time of self healing and learning I've been figuring out how I could love better. How I could be a better boyfriend which would turn me into a great husband. This year I truly want to be my best self.
11:27am- I'm trying to stay busy. Stay active. My mind keeps thinking about her but I know it's over. I know she ain't changing for me. She'll live in her pain a little longer. I know I deserve a good woman a healthy relationship. So I gotta keep pushing forward. I'm going to Home Depot to get the lawn mower and stuff. Then we going home to paint. After painting i think I wanna film or write. For sure everyday I want to write…as I drive through fort Pierce I remember all the restaurants we went to go eat. I really did want to make a life with her. I hope God is preparing my wife for me.
11:42am- it's someone to talk too, my own person to bounce ideas off of. Like here I am buying a lawn mower and weed Wacker and I wanna talk to her about it.
12:05pm- around $500 for the lawn stuff. Going home to get things done. For sure I'm going to do some writing daily. Maybe in the morning when I first wake up.
3:24pm- what a great first day of the year. We got the whole office painted. I like it, looks good. Hell that blue paint is soft and I enjoy it. I also found the two greens I want to paint the living room. Once that's painted I can find a sectional and work on mounting the TV. I feel good…I won't lie, I thought about her a lot today. But it's fine, I'm go get some kava to celebrate this hard work and to relax later.
3:42pm- holy smokes the girl at the kava bar is an artist. So I asked her to draw up the cover for me. An like we could collaborate if she wants to. She just moved as well so she said let her get settled in before doing it. An I'm like ok cool great. So yes this year I'm doing big things and I really like the kava bar. I think I will go there and do some writing. An everyone congratulate me on buying a house. Cause I'm full of paint and asked me if I got off work. We went into talking and what not. They like oh snap you take adulting. Yeah I'm trying…but I want a wife to do it with. Oh I can't wait.
6:18pm- I'm do my Duolingo and do some writing for a hour or so. I gotta get the septic tank pumped as well. I can smell it sometimes and it's driving me crazy. Also this is the living room colors I picked.
I Know exactly what walls. The living room is the mountain green and the healing plant is the kitchen. I might do mountain and some kind of light purple in my room.
7:44pm- these are my two favorite love movies. But I think Mr. Nobody is still my top.
I'm such a romantic. I can't wait to be with the love of my life... Let me rephrase that. The woman who loves me how I've loved every woman I've ever been in love with. Which I can honestly count the women I genuinely been in love with. Edith, Malika, Vanessa, Jameel.
9:42pm- I'm really going to push myself this year. This first quarter I wanna accomplish one goal in each category. This month I wanna do it. I'm going to make this year a bit year. I've been celibate going on 3 months now. Let's say middle to ending of Oct was last time I had sexual relations. I'm proud of myself. I've been healing my heart no alcohol no smoking and no sex. I'm doing the work to build and maintain a better me.
this months goals can be accomplished. I just gotta work on it DAILY. I'm go see a doctor to make sure my swimmers is still swimming because I think I want two more kids. But I wanna make sure I still got time. Shit I'm 36, the older I get the more chances for defects and deformities. The sperm ain't as strong ain't as potent. That's just science... But I don't want no baby mama and I'm sticking to that. Y'all be safe and stay prayed up.
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