7:38am- I really gotta shake this off. Which I'm doing day by day. Being sober is…blah. I wanna smoke but I know if I do I won't get anything done. I'll just smoke weed and sit around. I don't wanna drink because it doesn't make me feel good and I don't wanna be like my mom. I can't have casual sex because I desire intimacy on a deeper level. And casual sex isn't going to give me that deep intimacy that I desire. So I'm stuck feeling sad and a deep sense of emptiness. Which makes me start thinking about this girl. This girl that I know is trash and don't want nothing out of life. Someone I know isn't good for me and wouldn't love me the way I deserve or even want to be loved. So it's like damn God. This is my existence? Whatever, I got a busy day today.
8:55am- knocking out this dentist appointment. Then going to post office to mail off my stuff for my friend and cousin…but I think I do want another child. I think I want a baby. And for sure there is no doubt about it. I wanna live with my partner and get married.
9:15am- dang boy gotta get two teeth removed. All the sneaking snacks and candies after I said don't eat that stuff. Going to school eating the things I told him not to eat. Now they gotta remove his teeth because he's missing pieces of it. Oh boy he don't listen. But whatever I love my babies they annoy the crap out of me though. An I still want at least two more.
10:37am- knocking things out.
11:28am- this change in my life hurts. But it's not in vain…I have to believe that God truly is controlling my life. He hears my prayers and he's working things out.
11:53am- I'm get some kava coffee and than do some filming. Then change these plug plates and set up the kids toothbrush thingy. An I'll have had a awesome productive day off for real. I'm do the application for this job as well tonight.
1:55pm- dentist, new shoes for the baby boy, DMV, finger prints, did some filming. Man I'm having a AWESOME day. A super productive day. God spoke to me earlier today I mean fuck man. I'm having such a great day. I'm seriously going to stop cursing as well. But I'm having an amazing day. I've been so productive and I'm going home to finish the day STRONG. If I can keep this up all year. This year truly is going to be a life changing year. A total transformation of my mind, body, and spirit! This year I break out my cocoon spread my wings and fly from my old life.
3:33pm- man I been doing good with my YouTube.
i just gotta keep going. I don't do YouTube for money. But if I can make money on my YouTube. That'll be awesome.
8:25pm- I had a really good day, very productive, very good indeed. It's been a great day.
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