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7:24am- I have to believe I will be rewarded.
Allah knows best, all that I do. All that I sacrifice, all that I try to be. It has to mean something. It has to matter. God says he will reward us for what we do. We reap what we sow. And I'm trying so hard to be a good person. A better person. The best person I can be. I woke up feeling good and hope full. She's crossed my mind. The fact that she again. Could move on so easily. Like we didn't have a special bond. But I get it, she's been hurt. She hides from her feelings. I pray she heals. I pray my person finds me soon. An if it's her (like I feel it's her) I pray she's healing and realizing how big of a mistake she's making. Because each day pushes me away. Pushes me further and further away from the idea that we belong together. An that hurts but it's becoming a reality.
11:31am- it's going to be a long day…I got triggered today. I think my ego got bruised. She said I wanna give you my number but I heard you're controlling. You told that girl to stop talking to her cousin. First off Paul is NOT her blood cousin. He doesn't go to any family gathering or events. Second she was bringing the dude lunch on her day off. Third he was calling her every fucking day. Fourth she literally told me loves him and how he's so important and the man in her life. How you going to say that to me? To me! I'm smarter than him and I kept trying to talk to her about life and what not. So you rather talk to this guy than the guy you fucking? Or maybe you are fucking him to. Ugh whatever…I wanna be over her so badly.
12:36pm- I'm still losing weight.
probably because I'm still emotional. Ugh I hate that I am not over this woman. Cause it's like what the flip man. Please God let me move on. Because as this sit on my heart it's like it means something. As people bring her up randomly it's God sending me a message. It's like she and I are meant to be but she keeps fighting it. An it's like ok God let her see that and heal and come back so we can build our lives together and be in love and live good. Why have me sad missing her. Ugh... I'm ready to get off... I'm try do some writing tonight.
2:05pm- fuck I haven't been able to shake this lady off. It's not negative thoughts though. More like what I used to think of her. What is she doing? I wanna call and ask how her day going. When will I see you again. I miss you, I miss your voice. It's like ugh…I WANNA BE OVER HER!!!!...I wanna be loved by her again. I wanna love her again. I want us again.
5:41pm- you have to be the love you want. Literally love yourself how you want to be loved. This new book I'm listening to. OMG 🤯 is more of a sign that I'm going down the right path. The changes I'm making are correct. I have to stop cursing. That's apart of my transformation.
7:30pm- I was hoping to go home. This the part I tell my wife don't wait for me to have dinner. I'm working late.
9:41pm- finally heading home. I'm shower and go to bed. I'm tired.
9:49pm- it's like I get moments where I'm completely over her. Where I'm like oh yeah I'm ready to move on and let me give someone my attention. But than I get a feeling like. Nah yo, she's hurt and she's healing. Don't move on, don't entertain anyone because she'll be back. An it ain't cool to make someone think you like them when you really just waiting on someone else…basically I feel like I can't get over her because I'm not talking to someone new. But I don't want to talk to someone new until I'm completely over her. Because that's the right thing to do. I'm not her, I don't have to be like her. I don't have to drink away my feelings for her or go fuck new people to get rid of my feelings for someone. That's foul as fuck and not me. It's her but it's not me.
10:11pm- I'm going to bed, I'm tired. I gotta shake this shit off. I'm to blessed to be sad about a woman.
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