9:01pm- my laptop has to charge. I did my journaling and honestly I'm tired. So I'm going to bed early. I'm going to take some magnesium so I can get some deep quality sleep and watch a bit of YouTube until I pass out. But this journal has really been helping me. Really has been a big help in my healing journey.
9:45pm- I like women nails. Like a woman with really nice nails. An I really am going to stop cursing.
5:41am- I actually went to bed around ten. I was laying in bed around 9. But I think the magnesium really does help me get quality deep sleep.
i can't prove it, but I think it does. I can't remember my dreams though.
10:40am- ok maybe a 4:30 day…. Boy things are going smooth. Got the kids dentist appointments, my days off, my doctor appointment. This Sunday we're going to go see Sonic 3. My budget looks great. I mean yes yes yes. The inner work is clearing up my outer life. Although honestly everything that happens to us is to mold our spirit. To shape us into who we're meant to be. To give the world what it needs from us.
5:54pm- got off a little past 4:30 but it's good. Tomorrow I got a busy day as well. I'm ready to go home and relax. God I love my house. I love having a house. I love going there and getting it exactly how I want it. Such a good feeling.
7:01pm- why did I get home and suddenly get angry? Felt a surge of insecurity. My mind immediately went to she should be here. That's so wild. I don't think I thought of her all day today. An I think when I did I reminded myself she's trash. Literally living at home with her mom drinking alcohol going to clubs barely paying her daughter attention. She wouldn't have and would not appreciate the house. The painting. The love and affection you gave her. She literally is trash and we deserve better than trash. We deserve good love, someone who sees my efforts and rewards me with effort of their own. Someone who sees all I accomplished and feels proud to say my man did that. Someone who openly talks about being with me. We deserve BETTER than her. But I got home and instantly missed her, instantly thought about how I'm coming home to no one…but that's not true. I'm coming home to my beautiful house that I bought by myself. Coming home with my beautiful kids who are happy to be in a house. Coming home to myself. To my comfort to my safe space that I created. And I giving love the paint. So yeah, I'm ok. I'm so thankful to God for this life I'm living. For this life he's given me. For my desire to change my life. I could've been like her. Neglecting my kids to go to clubs. Ignoring my inner child my inner pain just to drink. I could've been trapped in my hurt and paint like her. And instead God gave me kindness by freeing me. An I would've helped her heal while healing myself. But she don't want that. Then again I always distract myself from doing my own inner healing by focusing on other people. Trying to help someone else heal and the whole time I'm still hurt and broken.
8:00pm- protecting my energy. Because I know I been moving from a place of insecurity. A place of feeling like I'm not enough and always trying to prove to someone why they should love me. Why they should pick me as their partner. I gotta protect myself. 2025 I'm protecting Joseph. I'm making sure Joseph feelings don't get hurt. Joseph doesn't give his energy and time to people who really don't like Joseph. Joseph isn't over extending himself to people who wouldn't and don't do it for him. 2025 I'm protecting me from myself and from others. That girl has a boyfriend who cheats and beats on her. But she calling me to get business ideas, to get someone to talk life into her. To get someone to give her advice and be able to vent and share ideas. Go call your man. Go call your family. Go call your friends. Oh you can't!? Why because none of them do that for you. None of them are me. But you'll play me like I'm not him. Like I'm not the best choice. Yeah leave me alone and go over there. I'm stay right here and take care of me with all this love and affection I have.
8:46pm- I got on Twitter and saw this and felt hurt.
because that was me. She NEVER complimented me. A year and 4 months and the girl never said anything nice to me other than that one time she said I looked good in shorts. An from that day one I wore shorts everywhere 🤦🏿♂️ I gotta get out of this insecurity low esteem ego vibration. I've been existing in lower vibrations for so long.
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