6:15am-for the last month or so I've been waking up and immediately saying thank you God. Thank you God. Today I woke up sad. Literally I felt sadness. I had to force myself to say thank you God then I grabbed my phone. I haven't done that in weeks. I stopped doing that a long time ago. But today for some reason I did. I eventually got my morning routine back on track. But it's odd that I woke up sad, grabbed my phone, had to force myself to be grateful. I don't remember having any troublesome dreams. I know I didn't sleep good. I tossed and turned a lot last night. But even when that's happen before I didn't wake up and grab my phone or not want to say thank you. I need to learn to process my emotions better. I'm ok with what I said to mesha because it's true. She only wants to be work friends. Ok cool, than stop calling me only at work and sitting on the phone with me. You got a man but he's trash, he don't talk life into you, don't help you with your business, don't motivate you. But you calling me to get all that from me. I'm pouring that love back into myself. I'm loving myself more and more and setting boundaries. An I think that kinda hurts. Hurts to lose people I don't want to lose. But God will not leave me to be alone. The main focus is the internal work. This inner work I'm doing matters, it means something. It's the purpose of the whole pain. To fix the stuff inside me. The hurt and pain inside me. The inner work is to solve my insecurities so I can walk the earth knowing who I am and what I represent.
8:15am- my self understanding and self worth is what I'm building. Understanding who I am and being secure in that. My insecurity are my own to deal with. An that's what this time alone is about. I'm rebuilding my inner house. Rebuilding my inner home.
9:25am- your self worth is who you are as a person. Not what you have.
9:40am- Everytime I see bluey I think of her daughter. I miss that sweet little girl….it's like I'm so grateful for my life. But still I desire more. Still in my heart I want the romantic love.
3:25pm- what a day it's been. I still didn't film but it's been a great day. I went to Sam's club and got a bunch of stuff.
I Got groceries and ended up buying house plants. One for my room and one for the living room. Picture frames, I ordered the toothbrushes and all that. I'm looking for a sectional for the living room. I'm getting my house together. I'm do this filming tonight.
5:08pm- boom get my kids than go straight home to record some videos. I had a great day but I gotta work on my art. I need to do some writing.
10:12pm- I still ain't do no writing but I did get a video recorded and edited. I wanna drop that tonight and promote it tonight and tomorrow. I just got out the shower. I'm about to pray and see about uploading my video tonight. I still wanna do and writing but I wrote out my plan for the year. The things I want to focus on each quarter this year. I did forget to put physical activity but that's more of a daily routine. And I ordered my coach. So the house is coming together.
this whole year is dedicated to fixing the house how I want it. But I want the first quarter to really be about the inside. Painting and furniture and setting things up. Than the next quarter is finalizing the inside ensuring everything is set up correctly and nice. Then the third quarter is the outside of the house. My circular driveway maybe a new mailbox. Might paint my house. Get my shed, build the area to cover the water system. Build the back porch area. That type of stuff. But overall I'm really happy about today God is good, I'm in a good mood. Today has been such a great good. I haven't felt this good and hopeful in a long time. I'm seriously getting over her. And that's sad but it's good at the same time. She really does need to heal, it's really sad how she's living. Sad how alot of the women I tried to save are living. When I think about it. They really are emotionally damaged and refuse to fix themselves... Just like my mom.
No comments:
Post a Comment