☺️🙂‍↕️😚🥰☺️😶🥲

8:05am- yeah I'm thinking of driving back down tonight. One this blow up mattress is trash. This is not for me. And two in miss my house. My space my water my stuff. And my couch came. Well two of the three boxes so I'm ready to go home and start working on that. Mount the tv on the wall. Organize my living room. Plus I'm buying my nephew PS5 so I'm be back to playing video games. I probably life stream it as well. But I'm ready to go home. I'm go see Tanvi in a lil bit. 

9:31am- I been doing good with my Duolingo 

i could probably go a little harder though. I'm about to leave to go have brunch with Tanvi... I almost ordered mail a self help journal. But I stopped myself. God don't want me with her. An the longer I keep in contact and thinking about her and doing nice things for her. Even if I think she deserves it. She doesn't think she deserves it. So I gotta stop. I'm seriously trying to hear God's voice. Trying to do what God wants me to do. I'm trying so hard to be lead by him and follow his desires for me. Like he said stop consuming and I haven't been listening to audio books, watching YouTube, or getting on Twitter. I just sit with my thoughts and create. An it's like I'm trying so hard to be this person I think God wants me to be. Because I think that's the only way to get my wife. To get my greatest reward. There is a path he's leading me and I'm nervous and scared but I'm following the path. Believing that something great is going to come from it. Something amazing... Also it's flipping cold out here. 

2:35pm- that was AMAZING. The conversation the food the conversation. 😍🥰😍🥴😍 OMG the conversation. We spoke about God and life. And choices and desires. An what's happening to us and just ugh…so stimulating. And relationships and parenting and kids and the Internet. An wants. We spoke about so many things. It was so fucking nice. We went to the cream. 

https://maps.app.goo.gl/ixazxPxPf1NUFcgv6?g_st=i&utm_campaign=ac-im

The food was so good. I really enjoyed it. And we sat there and talked for like two hours. Then talked more in the car. And she plans on coming to see me. An it was just so good. It felt really really really good to talk. To have a deep meaningful conversation with another human. It's like why can't I ever have a spouse that I can talk to like that. Why is it only my friends who I can speak to like that. Man that was good. I think I'm drive back home tonight though. So I can have a full day of rest. Because I really came up here to see her more than Tina. Tina doing her thing, keeping secrets and been fronting on me. 

6:47pm-getting in a lil nap…but now I'm kinda awake. An yeah I think I'm go home tonight. I got a PS5 had a good time with my friend. I feel good and miss my house. An although I was surrounded by love. I still feel…a lack of. Missing something. Off balance. 

11:43pm- I'm about to hit the road soon…I got a lot to think about during the ride.