4:17am- like legit how can you have someone who believes in God. Believe in being a good person and tries to be good to people. Talk life into people. Show kindness and helpful to people. An God allows someone to hurt them so deep that they question their faith in God. Not only does he allow you to get hurt by this person. He then forces you to go through the healing process alone while the person who hurts you is allowed to move on with they life like nothing ever happen. What type of loving merciful God is that? Why would he allow a non-believer to hurt a believer. Why would he let this girl who literally hurts everyone she comes in contact with keep going around hurting people. Like the fuck is that about.
4:38am- let me show you how real God is. I been feeling it this car ride. As I sit with myself without consuming any audio book, music, or YouTube. This is the message I got from the faith group chat I'm in. so I'm to be patient... He's moving. He's making moves. The non-believer didn't get over on me. God is doing something big in my life. I'm to be a bit more patient and endure the pain a bit longer. How long? I have no idea. But I pray and beg God. Not much longer, and please please please. Continue to give me signs and strengthen me. Because I'm so weak. I feel so weak. I admit I'm so weak. This has been such a big test of my faith lord. I don't know how much more I can endure.
9:51am- so my couch is a little shorter than I expected. But it's nice, it's the right length for the living room. I definitely need a rug though to bring together the space. But I like it. An I need to mount my TV to the wall. I got a lot of things to do to the house.
6:02pm- I played video games almost all day. Hung out with my kids. Is been a good weekend. I'm about to go to bed. I'm tired and because I've been sitting with myself for long periods of times. I'm super emotional. I've been feeling like reaching out to her. But it's my ego. My ego what's to ask her. Are you happy? Is this really the life you want to live? Like is this what you imagined for us when you texted me that night? But that's my ego. Only way for us to be together. She has to change she has to want to be with me. She has to want to grow. Ugh β¦it was a good weekend. I gotta really really focus my mind and energy and push through these feelings. Push through this hurt. Cause I'm hurt y'all, seriously I'm going through it. I keep talking to God trying to figure out what was the purpose of meeting her. The purpose of the last year and 4 months with her. Like the purpose of being forced to leave a woman I loved so hard. A woman i wanted to marry. What was the purpose God. Cause fuck it hurts. Im tired I'm emotionally tired.
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