9:32am- I really love how I can hear birds chirping when I go outside my house. Like that brings me a level of peace and awareness that's a lil hard to explain.
9:57am- Today is supposed to be the last day of this court stuff. Today ends this chapter of my life.Maybe that’s why I’ve been kinda anxious. The last couple of nights I’ve been kinda restless. TIred but not tired. Today me and Jophiel go to court to finish things up. To get these DCF people out of our lives. God willing it’ll all be put behind me and I don’t ever have to worry about any of this crap anymore. So After this what’s the next big things in our lives. It’s basically Jophiel dentist appointment, an I have to make another doctor appointment. The last doc was good and told me nothing is wrong with me. But I want a second opinion and I still wanna get my sperm tested. I know it’s healthy but I wanna know how healthy. An I have high testosterone which is good as well. But overall I’m healthy, but I want another opinion because like I said yesterday. I want another child. So I wanna make sure i’m healthy enough to handle that. But yeah I’ve been feeling tired lately. I’m not really sure why, I think it could be a shift in my energy. A shift in my thinking and inner core beliefs. You know I’ve been training my subconsciousness. An it’s working, I can see my thinking shifting and my emotions different. How I react to things and how I think about things when they happen. The mental work is tiring on the body.
3:05pm-driving home now. That was quick easy thing. We didn't close it out, but it all worked out great. And I'm get exactly what I want so that's a great thing.
4:21pm- fuck it I'll take the boys out for dinner as a celebration. He wants burgers and the Chili's is right up the street…I was talking to mesh earlier and it wasn't that bad. But everytime is like a reminder that I'm friend zoned. But oddly enough I still want my Edith. So it's like what does it matter. Plus if you don't wanna be her friend. Just stop answering her phone calls. But I understand why she calls me. She needs someone to speak life into her. To remind her she's on the right path. To feed her spirit and give that little external motivation. An I get it, it's nice for me because I can pour into someone but it sucks because I want someone to pour into me.
5:49pm- my boys are happy and that was a decent meal. $80… last time we went out was Jophiel birthday and I thought about E the whole time and this time I didn't really think of her but I thought about her. I miss going out with her. Looking at her and just admiring her beauty. The glow of her skin. I really loved the shimmer. If she's meant to be with me. I hope God sends her back soon. I still love her. But if she doesn't come back. I pray God heals her. So she can be a better mom, better daughter, better sister. Better person.
8:40pm- God is so amazing, I'm so ready for this new life. For this shift, for how things are changing and becoming amazing. I gotta seriously lock into my art into my workouts into my YouTube. Into doing my thing…I believe God is healing Edith so we can be together. I believe if she's not meant for me. He's preparing my wife for me. I just gotta focus on my art and body and let the time pass that's needed for her to heal and come to her senses that I'm the best man she's ever had and the man who loves her the most.
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