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7:41am- it's about action. That's really the key. I have to take more action. Less thinking and planning and just take more action. Just do…also focus more on what I have. I have such an amazing life. I have so much more than the average person. But because I don't have one thing I feel sad. An worst is I can't have the one thing I want because internally I'm still traumatized. I'm still that sad broken boy. The child whose older brother ran away, mother abused, sexually assaulted in elementary school, toxic relationships in young adulthood, death all around me…I'm still that person. An it's like I have to shake that person off me. I have to let those things go. Because I'm not my past, I'm not my ego, I'm not my pain and trauma. The fact that I'm here means something. It matters…an it's like you can say all of this. An think it consciously. But if your subconscious doesn't believe it. If it's not a deep rooted belief or fact. You'll easily be stuck in patterns. Trapped in the same loop…I broke free from so many mental traps, mental pain. But still there is more to go. Which is why so many don't do it. They stick to their pain, stick to their toxic loops. But I don't want that for me. For my kids. 

7:34pm- ok I'm bring back the JB personals. Because I wanna speak some of this stuff. An I think recording will help hold me accountable. 

10:07pm- I think I wanna turn this into my video blog.