😮‍💨😶🫠

5:05pm- I gotta keep up with my blog…listen man, seeing her yesterday hurt me deep. That shit cut me. Had me confused and absolutely in my feelings. Just totally distraught. But I'm feeling better now. I spoke to her and spoke my truth. An I feel better. An honestly I realized I'm the type of person who needs to talk. I need to say what I need to say. Especially if I feel I have something to say. I don't want to live with regrets. Live with what ifs. I want to live a life of being me. Showing love because I'm a loving guy. Showing kindness because that's what I want to do. Is like I always tell my son's. Just be you. Regardless of who others are. Just be yourself. 

6:17pm- Thursday is a busy day. But it's good, I've been sticking to what I said this month. I've been working on my book. No YouTube. And today I haven't open Twitter once. Mer said some real shit to me today. I been through so much in my life but I've tried so hard to keep positive. I conquered my sex addiction. Got that monkey off my back and been keeping it off. After all my mother did to me as a child which still effects me to this day. I tried to get close and build a relationship and she played me. But I still forgive her. I'm caring for the child my baby mama had with another man while we was married. I went against my family for him. Like I've sacrificed so much and been through so much. An at some point God is going to reward me. He has too, like all my good deeds can't go unseen. God sees all and rewards those who do good works. An I've been doing that so my reward is coming. An it's like I'm only human. When I'm hurt I'm fucking hurt. Even Jesus said Lord why have you foresaken me. We all get weak. But it's what we do in those moments that matter the most. 

6:30pm- my life has to mean something. I've tried to kill myself 3 separate times and I'm still here. I've met death more than once and I'm still here. Like all of this has to have some type of purpose. All this pain and suffering I've endure has to have meaning. And I'm holding onto faith. Choosing to believe I will find out soon.

8:07pm- in the end I know who I am. An I accept me for me and I'm be me. I have such an abundance in my life and so much love to give someone. My time will come and until then I'm focus on what I can control and that's it.