illusion of control

What does it mean to let go? To forgive, to move on. What does it mean to really move on with life and not be triggered by the past. Not feel pulled back into old habits. Not be angry about the things that have happened to you. The people who have done things to you. How do you let those things go? Forgive yourself, forgive others. Letting go is like falling asleep. You don’t force it, you don’t make it happen. You don’t command it. You simply let it happen. You know you want to do it and you relax yourself and it happens on its own. That’s letting go, that's freeing yourself. How do we let things go? I think we simply don’t. We fully embrace the emotion, embrace the experience. Let it happen, let it do what it needs to do for and too you. Let the emotions have their way with you. Let the thoughts run through your mind and observe. Simply observe everything. Look at yourself feeling through these things. Look at yourself thinking through these things. And when you get to the other side you’ll be able to see that you are not your past, not your pain, not your thoughts. A lot of the time we don’t let go because we are trying to force it. We are so afraid to let go that we hold on by trying to let go. The key is to go through it, to feel through it. To not run from it. And I'm learning that, I’m seeing that God will control your life if you let him. If you let go of the illusion of control and allow the universe to control your steps and guide you. It’ll be scary but it’ll be obvious which way to go. Which steps to take. I’m scared of letting go of my old self, but I’ve already let go of my old self. Who I am today is not who I was last year or this year. I’m not even the same person I was yesterday, I’m so different mentally and spiritually and emotionally. I’m really just scared to not control any aspect of my life. I’m scared to go with the flow because it’s like I can’t really see the future. I can’t really see the future I want for myself. I can hope and dream that things work out how I want. But I just see more pain and hurt ahead and that scares me. Letting go is not forced, letting go is something you just do naturally. Letting go is feeling what needs to be felt.