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7:06am- I'm grateful for my life. God is good.  9:02am-so I cooked a bunch of food yesterday thinking the power might go out. we got beef ribs, rice, spaghetti. Is it weird that I'm thinking about this girl. hoping she was safe and made it out alright. what a sick fuck I am. gotta let that shit go and move on with life. move on with my existence. which is easier said than done, but whatever. so here is the link to the rent vs buy a home calculator I was using. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2024/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html so if anyone wants to know which is better. you put in how much you want to buy a house for put in the down payment you will supply. an you can add in all that other stuff people barely talk about like property taxes and HOA and everything else. which is why I was and am waiting for two things before i buy a house. Either I make $100,000 a year by myself, an that's after taxes. or I meet a woman who loves me and I love her and we buy a house together and do our thing. Because yes, I still desire a relationship. yes I want a family. yes I want to come home to someone and talk about life and problems with her. with that said I hate having to remind people I'm a romantic. Also me and the boys rearranged the house for our project that's coming up. I also need to clean out my room. like a major cleaning of my room. get rid of all this crap in my house and only keep the things that I need for real.

9:56am- I think about this 

beecause it's true... It reminds me of that sza song. When she said "lonely enough to let you treat me like this" and it's like. Why stay with someone who doesn't make you happy. Someone who don't care about you or shows you they don't respect you. Then I think about myself. Like I absolutely understand why someone would stay with someone who they know don't love them or treats them good. It's like I would rather suffer in pain with someone than suffer in pain alone. But the pain of being alone will forge you into the person you're meant to be to find someone meant for you. It's a strange cycle when you stop and think. It's little post that pop up that let me know I'm not wrong 

im not wrong. I told that girl what I needed how her actions make me feel and instead of changing and growing and adjusting TOGETHER she wanted to stay the same and expect me to accept. Nah, I want to much out of life.... Let me get this shit off my mind. I'm go outside and see what's open. Cause I need to do laundry. 

1:05pm- I been working on getting my website back up and running. Ain't no laundry getting done today. I didn't even do the major cleaning I wanted. Honestly I'm still in a funk. I'll admit it. 

2:32pm- ok I'm watch some movies. I got so many ideas and I'm go with the flow. I'm doing whatever I wanna do. I'm do my one idea and when I get $1,000 I'm do my other idea. I'm just going with the flow. I'm about to watch the platform 2. Take my last few gummies. I'm having a decent day. Wish I had a wife to spend the day with though. 

4:40pm- so two things, I'm ok now. Over it, done with that. God has been good to me and leading me into a new life. I'm going to follow, I'm going to let the old me die. Let me old life die and move into this new life. This new chapter, I'm ready for it. I'm ready for the future, when I think of the future. I think of 5-10 years from now. I think if things go good, I will be able to really help my people. 

6:35pm- that's how liking someone or something works. You give it your time and energy, you give it what it requires, what you desire. Life is made up of moments that intersect and connect. The idea is to have as many of those as possible lead to a positive outcome for your existence. That's the idea, an you do that on a daily basis.