everyone is not the one

5:43am- I went to bed around 7 and woke up around 11 or midnight. Was up tossing and turning for like a hour or so. I'm tired right now and annoyed. Then I jumped up when I heard my fat nasty ghetto neighbor talking shit about parking in my spot. But is fine I'm fix her disgusting piece of shit ass. Next time that bitch parks in my spot I'm block her in and not move my car until I'm ready. Even when she come knocking I'm answer with my gun in my hand. I hate ignorant people. Fucking disgusting. 

i saw this post this morning and it felt right. 

6:39am- she's so fucking stupid... Who wouldn't want someone who wants them. Especially if you're attracted to them and they're attracted to you. Whatever man. 

7:23am- one of the things that made me stay and give it a year and change is she's broken and so am I. An broken people deserve love. I deserve love....the more my sober brain thinks about it. The more I think and focus on myself. I'm really a broken hurt person. And because I know what pain and suffering and loneliness feels like. I try to spread love concern and kindness in the world. As a broken hurt person I don't want to break and hurt people. I want to heal and mend them. And in return I want to be healed and mended...somewhere inside me I feel like if I help others and fix others and do for others. Someone will help me and do for me...but that's so unrealistic. I want to love her because she's broken and broken people deserve love. I deserve love...

12:53pm- I feel about better. Life goes on no matter how hurt I am.

7:30pm- a ocean doesn't seek water. I am love I give love I don't need it. But I am a beach, I need love and give it with every oceans in and out tide. Today I feel so much better.