I think I'm ready

6:43am- I feel good this morning. I did the right thing. Yes I'm super emotionally volatile and mentally unstable. But I try really really hard to always do the right thing. To follow my spirit and do what the good Lord above commands us to do. Which is be good too one another and have faith. I will say I'm a bit tired though. I woke up around 12:30 and didn't get back to sleep until like 1:30 i don't know what happen to me. I had to get the fan and stick out my foot and switch pillows. But I'm in a good mood this morning and I feel better I feel more faith in my lord. God is good God is great. Ok let me get ready for work. She's still on my mind but I'm going let it to. God is in control and if that girl is meant for me. She'll come back to me. But honestly, I don't think she's meant for me. I think I was caught up in the nostalgia of what my life could've been with Vanessa. But Vanessa is dead and that girl DAMN SURE AINT VANESSA!!!! Vanessa was loving caring funny gentle and loved to spend quality time. That girl ain't none of those things. Remember this too 

You gotta fight fear.

7:00- Mer said this last night. 

AN she's right, if you can't even talk openly to your partner. They're not a safe space, if they see no future with you, they don't wanna live with you, they don't wanna buy a house with you, they don't wanna interlock their lives with you. Than that means they're not a safe space. An apart of being in a relationship. You should be a safe space for your partner. Should be a shield against the world. I think I'm legit ready to let her go and move on. No more talking about over thinking about it. Or about her. Again if God wants her with me. The almighty will make it happen. 

8:07am- the whole point of making money to me is to care for my family. 

to live the life I want for myself. But above that it's to care for my family. My woman and children. 

11:48am- I really do feel better this morning. I'm glad I dropped off that food and flowers. Her mom is truly a good woman who helps everywhere she goes. I just wanted to do something kind... An is God grace that I didn't have to see her. But I do miss the distraction. Talking on the phone about absolutely nothing important. I could probably do that with someone else though. Here I go again thinking about this woman and what we had.... So the rest of the rug making stuff is going to come soon. I'm excited about that. Tina going to mail the projector. The plan is to still make rugs and Jan 1st launch our company. Another thing I need to do is fix my hostinger. It's not working with my Josephrbristol.com I gotta figure out why. I gotta get Jophiel paperwork as well still. Oh I might get a cat this afternoon. We found a stray kitten at the job and I told them I'll take him. He's orange and if I do get him. I'm going to name him mail. Since I found him at my job. I also need to do the applications for Vero supervisor. I got a lot to do. Last night I got home showered and laid down. Today I'm a bit tired but when I get home I'm try finish Jophiel rug. Well let him finish it. Then I gotta help Jojo to do his rug as well. I feel good about the future, I feel better about everything happening in my life. Maybe I go back to Orange or I'll stay at the main. 

12:14pm- im not completely empty anymore. But I'm not full. Slowly I'm realizing it's early over. I have to get over her and move on with my life. 

6:28pm- I don't feel good. I think I'm going to bed. I have to move next year. I'm sick of living by these trash ass ghetto people.