5:50am- I'm tired but not to tired, but tired.... Yeah I'm a 8:30-9:30 bed time type of guy. I need my sleep. I'm watching the news and heard mails name, the damn news broadcaster has her name.... My heart felt a way for a second. Life is good, it just caught me off guard for a second. Hopefully today is a easy quick day at work. I'm ready to get off, edit this video. Drop that than go to sleep. Sunday I'm writing letters, looking at houses, taking my boys to see venom 2. Oh and the cousins podcast as well. We supposed to still be doing that. So we'll see how that goes. Let me drink some coffee, pray and get this day going. God is good, we're alive and have another chance to make the lives we want to live.
6:30am- ever since I stopped smoking and drinking I feel at much more in control of my emotions. Like I still feel moments of hurt and what not. I still feel, but I can control my thoughts a lot better. I figure my mind and emotions a lot better.
6:53am- he talking about staying home. No sir, you going to school.
6:50am- it's not that the lack of her in my life has been allowing my life to improve slowly but surely, but it is the attention that I have transferred to myself that has been allowing my life to increase day by day without her. I was more focused on trying to make her happy and show her how important I could be to her, but if she would have loved me the right way or at least tried to then I could have still focused on myself and improving my life daily while still helping her. Like we literally could have grown together. Because literally everyday every since I stop being sad and laying around. I've been making moves to get things done. It would've been nice to have a woman celebrate the little wins with me. While they're not even little ones, they're big ones. I mean, God has been showing me so much mercy and Grace. I have no words to express how grateful I am. I have no words to express how grateful I am. How sometimes I feel bad that I even was stressed or distressed or just unhappy with my life even though God had been showing up non-stop for me. Slowly I've begun to believe that he truly did remove her from my life because she is not the one for me. She's not the one to help me grow and become the man I'm supposed to be. And it hurts. But I know God is watching over me and something better is coming. Deep in my heart though. I hope that that's something better. Is her coming back ready to change and grow and wanting to do it with me wanting my help and she goes through this process just as I am going through this process. Also I've been talking to text so if it's all messed up that's why.
11:50am- it's ganna be a long day.
9:36pm- fucking kids been sneaking in my room. I'm going to bed, I need to do this editing. Tomorrow night we going to see venom 3.
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