6:03am- God is good, voyager is sending me a check in a mail. They still owe me some money. God is good, he's providing me some extra money. I'm going to pay down more debt with it. Probably pay off this student loan I owe the least amount on.
6:55am- today is about gratitude. I'm grateful for my life, my health, my finances, my friends, my family. I'm grateful to be alive and have a job a car and my own place to live. Im grateful for my kids and my faith my intelligence. I'm going through something. But it's ok, I'm feeling through it. Being grateful for life. In life we have to learn to accept the good and bad... I was listening to a Ted talk about change. An she was talking about how a lady stop being goal orientated she stop being planning process orientated and started just stopping to enjoy the moment. Being a bit more go with the flow... I'm not really a go with the flow type of person. I really do like planning things. Helps me feel in control but that could be my problem. I'm trying to control to much of my life. Even though I don't think I am. Because I only try to control myself, my life, my interactions with others, what I eat and when and where I sleep and when I go to sleep. I didn't think that would be a problem. But I guess, maybe I gotta let more go. Which is why I said today I wanna just focus on being grateful. Everytime I feel my emotions bubbling over. I'm going to be grateful. I'm going to thank God for everything I can imagine.
8:03am- as all things do. This feeling shall pass. This sense of dread and defeat shall pass... Faith that God controls and dictates my life. That is what I dwell in that is how I live. I'm doing pretty good so far. I know I'll be ok, but it's the getting over this hump. Moving forward that has me in a twist. I guess coming to work adds to this feeling. Even though at this office I don't say nothing to no one. I stay in my corner and stick to myself... Peace is what I'm looking for.
8:58am- I hate when people say "things change" or "y'all will get back together" no no we won't.... Like you don't know the future and I'm heartbroken. Why give me that false hope, that false sense of possibility. I mean technically they are right anything can happen. But realistically people break up and don't reconnect until they've already moved on from the person and found someone new. They should say I'll pray for you.
10:11am- God is good to me, I live a good life a seriously good life compared to some. So it becomes why am I unhappy? I think this the part where people say money can't buy you happiness. 😂🤣😂 I ain't rich but I have stable income.
10:53am- with a heavy heart I drudge through my day. Jessica invited me to go out tonight. But nah, I just wanna go lay down. I'm grateful for my life don't get me wrong. But my heart hurts and I feel some way. I'm not who I thought I was an honestly that hurts me. Makes me sad about me.... An I understand all I gotta do is be who I want to be. Just be that person. An I will I am... But idk ... I'm still hurt and angry at myself. Hurt at how I've made my interconnected personal life.
2:42pm-
3:32pm- I thank God for my heartbreak. I thank him for my faith. I thank him for the experience to have felt what I did. It is better to have love and lost than to never love. An if I remain single until death. I pray I'm able to be grateful and thankful for that. Life is good to me and I barely ever stop to notice and appreciate it.
5:37pm- you thank God for my financial situation. I thank God for my own apartment. Cause it feels good to go home and be able to be alone. I like being alone when I want to be alone but I don't like being alone. Which makes me happy I have kids. Cause it's so easy to go in the living room and just hang with them. Feels good to know they there. Just like if I had a wife it would be nice to know she's in the living room while I'm in the room watching tv. I've truly become a social person. I thank God for the friends I have. To be able to call them and talk and they don't judge or get mad that we haven't spoken in days or weeks. They know when I get emotional I disappear... I've thought about getting rid of my Twitter.
10:55pm- I been working on my stuff. I'll announce it soon enough. None the less, I'm still broken hearted and it still hurts. Tomorrow I gotta groom myself and God willing finish this project so I can start a new. And may my Amazon orders. Y'all pray for me to have peace of mind and heart as I learn who I am.
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