6:45am- for sure Sunday I got a busy day. I got a lot I want to do.
for the filming I already got the ideas for my episodes. It's going to be a bunch of JB show episodes coming.
7:13am- I didn't write this morning, but I did write last night. It wasn't long but I did some writing. That's still my goal. Write every single day. Same way everyday I do five pullups and five lunges. It's not a lot but it's something and something is better than nothing. The main goal remains the same, focus on me and fix me. Push Past how I'm feeling and do what needs to be done. That's what matters. Not what I want to do. But what I need to do. And I'm scared that it's all a waste. Scared I'll miss out on fun. Scared all this will change nothing and lead to nothing. But I'm more scared to stay the same. To keep getting what I've been getting from life. I need different I want different.
7:55am- I hope in my next life I find my soulmate at a young age and we're able to live and make a life together.
8:27am- this really made me feel good.
like I know God is with me. I gotta keep going keep on the path.
10:02am- boom I got my health insurance. So I'm set up these doctor appointments and get my health goals going.
11:12am- doctor's appointment set for January. So first quarter of this year is going good so far. I'm really proud of myself, even though this only day 3. But fuck that, it matters it means something.
12:57am- fear never goes away. It's like your ego. It's not about killing it. Getting rid of that part of you. It's about not living in it. Not making it your dominate frequency. To recognize it when it visits and move it along. Learn from the feeling and move it along.
1:13pm- so I was thinking. An I decided to change the filming date to Saturday night. This way I have time on Sunday to paint and do other things. 
i probably won't be able to film all these episodes. But I'm going to try and do at minimum 4. I might wait for the otw (oohoo what's that). But definitely going to film a few jbs (Joseph Bristol show)
i probably won't be able to film all these episodes. But I'm going to try and do at minimum 4. I might wait for the otw (oohoo what's that). But definitely going to film a few jbs (Joseph Bristol show)3:55pm- I really do want different. I want a better life. Better connections to people. Better relationships. I seriously want to connect and have deep sense of intimacy with my partner. I'm staying on this path. Staying on this journey…I know I talk about how scared and lonely I am. But it's because I legit am. But I know this is what's going to help me find what I deserve. I'm scared I'll be alone forever. Scared I'll never find love. No one will love me for who I am. But that's fear and it's dumb. Because people LOVE who I was and love who I'm becoming. So when I do reach the level I want to be at. People will adore the new better version of me. I just gotta keep going. Have faith God will fulfill his promise.
4:42pm- yeah I'm on the right path. Let's keep this thing going. I'm stop and get a chicken, a bag of rice, probably some kombucha as well. I'm feeling good though. I'm really on this journey, I'm really doing this thing. One day at a time, one step at a time.
8:21pm- Ok boom, so I basically have been setting things up this whole time. I made dinner and started dishing it out and putting things away, showered, prayed, and I'm about to do some writing. I was writing out some outlines and ideas for my book of short stories. I have to give each thing it’s dedicated time. If I jump from thing to thing and task to task nothing will get done. So I gotta really focus my mind on one task at a time. So I’m finished with the boys and dinner then I’m going to do some writing then I’m going to bed. I’m a little tired. Tomorrow after work I'll come home and groom myself then do some filming, maybe edit one of the videos and upload it on Sunday morning. Then sunday me and the boys do our painting and I’m try to get a oil change since my oil is literally 7%. I did get to speak with Syreeta today, she was feeling some way that I blocked her. But I had too cause why you sent me pictures of the party. Like I didn’t wanna see that shit. Showing me her having a good time knowing that girl was going to go fuck someone else right after the party. That shit pissed me off… I really don’t need or want any parts of E. she needs to do her own healing an I’m pretty sure she’s not going too. So fuck her and fuck the life she wants to live. Same for every person who wants to stay stagnant and the same and think that’s cool and fine to be that way. I don’t want people in my life who want to stay exactly as they are. I’ve been leaving people alone for real. I don’t text or call anyone. I just focus on me and what I’m trying to do. I’m lonely but it’s ok, the hard work will pay off. I’m going to be making $100,000 plus a year real soon, writing my books and traveling the country selling them, making money off my youtube videos (which really isn’t that important to me but would be nice), driving my tesla, and getting a closer deeper connection to my children and family members that I care about. An one day (God willing real soon) I will meet the woman who will become my wife and she and I will live the rest of our lives madly in love with each other building our lives and upgrading our spirits and our love will be an act of worship to the one true God. an I’ll laugh about all the failed relationships and trash ass women I gave my time, energy, and body too all out of a lack of self respect and love. Tomorrow I’m get some kombucha after work.
10:25pm- the thought of her being with someone else right now still hurts my heart and I hate that for me…
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