☺️😶🙂🙃☺️

6:18am- I want a clear sign from God. A sign that I’m supposed to let her go completely. I really do want to talk to her. I wanna be with her, but I’m ok with letting her. I truly believe God is controlling my life. God is doing things for me and too me. He’s building my life and building me to become a specific person. My soul is leading me down a path that I have no idea what it entails what it all means and taking me too. But I want to talk to her, just text her good morning with positive words. That’s it, we never have to meet or talk. Basically, I want to make her my friend. Like how I have friends right now that I don’t physically see them, I simply just text them. No phone calls or hanging out, just text friends. But my ego is like no, she got niggas she text. Men she talks too…but it’s like bro who cares?...if she’s for me she will be for me. If God has someone for me they will find me and come to me. They will love me how I need to be loved. I simply need to be open to the love and kindness. I’m going to pray on it heavy, I don’t want to talk to her or bring her back and it’s not time, it’s not what God wants for me. Because maybe God is showing Mesha she should be with me. But that’s me being delusional for real. Because she’s my friend and that’s how she likes it. An honestly I think I’m still in love with mail. I think I still want her, but honestly I don’t know. I’ve been slowly realizing that yeah she’s not the one. She’s not my person. But my mind and ego don’t want to let her go. But my heart is like. She’s not the one. Our person is coming…but she’s changing. I feel so confused so scared. It’s like man, God where is my person. What am I missing that I can’t find my person yet. What lessons have I not learned that I can’t have my wife yet. But I’m going to stay focused on me. Stay focused on my goals and keep going forward. Keep trying to be my best self. Keep learning and growing. 

7:22am- this boy talking about getting a dog. Hell no, we not doing that. An I think I got my message, do not message her, do not reach out, let her come back. If she's meant for me. She will reach out to me and open up. She will come back ready to love me correctly. 

8:18pm- I made some good dinner tonight…but also I think I do still love her. I think I still wanna be with her. I mailed her the same book I got T’hiya for her birthday. It's a black woman self love book. The same book Ashley cousin cousin got for her. But I looked through it, it's not even what I really wanted. I wanted to get them a journal. With daily writing prompts. But yeah I don't know…I think I still love her. But I'm getting ready to go to bed. I think I need to seriously isolate for a few days and just listen to my affirmation loop.